


something in our minds will always stay

by EmmaArthur (EchoBleu)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Apocalypse, But not in a good way, End of the World, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Immortal Husbands Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Immortality, Lots of offscreen deaths, M/M, This is really sad, Time Travel, blood and injuries, i don't know what this is, i guess, just pure angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:42:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26374426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoBleu/pseuds/EmmaArthur
Summary: He falls to his knees in front of Magnus, reaching out for him desperately. “I’m sorry it took me so long to find you,” he whispers.“A hundred years, Alexander,” Magnus gives him a bloody smile. “It’s a long time to wait.”
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 16
Kudos: 104
Collections: Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020





	something in our minds will always stay

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this comes from. My brain decided today was angst fest day and I've been watching the Umbrella Academy and the Old Guard and thinking about immortal husbands...and this happened.
> 
> Title from Fragile, by Sting.

The blackened ruins and the red sky give Alec flashbacks to the too long time they once spent in Edom, in Asmodeus’ castle, but this is not a dimension of Hell. This is Earth, or what little is left of it. The destroyed house is missing its roof entirely, and Alec looks up at the sky before he limps his way in.

The dimming light of stars is barely visible through the approaching cloud of smoke. Alec soaks it up. It’s the first time he’s actually seen the stars in longer than he can remember, and he’s missed it.

The sight that greets him inside the house coaxes out his first real emotion in even longer. The figure is barely recognizable on the floor, covered in soot and blood, hands and feet manacled and chained to the floor. Alec doesn’t bother checking that they’re alone – there’s no need for that.

Magnus gives a low moan as he opens his eyes, golden irises glowing in the near dark. Alec chokes on his breath, swallowing back a sob. Finally.

He falls to his knees in front of Magnus, reaching out for him desperately. “I’m sorry it took me so long to find you,” he whispers.

“A hundred years, Alexander,” Magnus gives him a bloody smile. “It’s a long time to wait.”

“And now it’s too late,” Alec sobs.

“You’re here,” Magnus murmurs. “It’s not too late.”

Alec gathers him in his arms, mindful of the way Magnus winces in pain at every move. He himself isn’t in a much better state, though he can still walk. “It’s coming, Magnus. The end.”

“How many apocalypses have we survived, Alexander?” Magnus looks up at him. There’s no fear in his face. Neither of them have any energy left for fear.

“Five?” Alec tries. He’s not even sure, honestly. What counts as an apocalypse, when you’ve made it to the other end? He can only count the losses, the failures, the defeats. The mistakes that got them here. “The first was...Valentine’s wish, wasn’t it? You survived. The rest of the Downworld didn’t.”

“It felt like the worse grief I could ever overcome, at the time,” Magnus smiles sadly. “Almost destroyed me.”

“If only we’d known, what was to come–”

“Would we have made it?”

Alec swipes a dirty strand of hair away from Magnus’ face. He watches him hungrily, taking in his features under the grime. “Would it have been so bad, if we didn’t? I’m ready to die. I’ve been ready for so long.”

“You haven’t been happy since–” Magnus starts. He interrupts himself to cough, his chest heaving painfully.

“Neither have you,” Alec murmurs.

“Even I grew weary. There’s only so much loss one can take. At least when we had each other–”

Alec looks away. “What do you think will happen?” he asks. “When we die? Are we going to Hell?”

“I’ve never seen human souls, in any of the dimensions of Hell,” Magnus says. “I don’t think that’s where they go. And I doubt a demon-spawn like me is welcome in Heaven.” It’s a conversation well-rehearsed, that they’ve had hundreds of times. It doesn’t matter. Alec walks through the motions, as if it still brings them reassurance. They’ve faced death more times than they can count, and yet it turns out that immortality was a curse, not a gift.

Never a gift.

“Do you think the angels will take you to Heaven, Alexander?”

“The angels stopped looking over me the day I became immortal,” Alec answers. “It was never their wish for any of the Nephilim. Besides, I’ve long since stopped believing in Heaven as mortals imagine it.”

“Do you hope for nothingness? For the void? Is that what you yearn for?” Magnus’ voice has a far away quality to it, already fading. Alec holds him tighter, as if it could keep him from leaving him early.

“Wherever we go, I would stay with you, if at all possible,” he answers.

“You didn’t always say that,” Magnus murmurs.

Alec feels tears running down his face. The last hundred years of relentlessly searching the Earth for Magnus have nothing on the decades that followed the second apocalypse. The demon invasion. The death of his family, of their family, the loss of everything he had, and what it led him to do… Alec would take it all back, in a second. In his more selfish moments, he would take any apocalypse over the hurt in Magnus’ eyes as Alec came to resent him and walked away from him.

They’ve found each other again, and again, endless circles of losing their way and collapsing into each other when the weight became to heavy for one pair of shoulders.

“What would you change, if you could?” Magnus asks, grabbing his hand and squeezing tightly, despite the broken nails and the bloody gashes marring both of their skins.

Alec sobs. “Our family, our children… Magnus–”

“What if we could? What if we could go back?”

Alec’s eyes widen. Magnus’ gaze never wavers, bright under the burned, bruised skin of his face.

“We can’t change the past,” Alec shakes his head. “Whatever we do, it wouldn’t make it better.”

“For the world, maybe not,” Magnus shrugs. “But maybe it’s time to stop worrying about the world. Maybe we can finally get our own peace, even amid the chaos and destruction.”

“We’re already at the end,” Alec murmurs. “Maybe time really is immutable. Maybe there was nothing we could do. We fought for so long.”

Magnus leans on his elbow to hold himself up, closer to Alec’s face. “The world threw at us, at _you,_ everything it had, Alexander. And you stood against it.”

Alec closes his eyes. “I faltered many times, Magnus. I am not that strong.”

“And yet you rose again, every time.”

The grounds starts shaking. The sulfur smell in the air is getting stronger. Alec looks up, and the stars are somehow clearer, sharper. Or maybe it’s all just in his mind.  Maybe he’s starting to hallucinate, his body finally giving out.

M aybe none of this was ever real.

“I love you,” he murmurs, because that’s the one thing Alec never doubted.

“I love you too, Alexander,” Magnus whispers back.

Time is slipping out from under  them . After a thousand years, they’re finally running out of time.

It feels smothering. It feels like a liberation.

It tastes like the end.

Magnus sits up painfully, coughing a mouthful of blood onto the dirt floor. “If you would unchain me, I think it’s time, Alexander.”

Without a word, Alec grasps at the heavy manacles around Magnus’ wrists. Strands of purple magic engulf his hands, pricking at the metal until it falls away.

“One last act of defiance,” Magnus says, raising his hands weakly. “Here at the end of all things.”

“Yes,” Alex whispers, cradling him once again. “Magnus, take me back to the start.”

Magnus closes his eyes, barely breathing. Alec gently wipes a tear from his cheek. The exhaustion is deep in his bones, fatigue born of carrying the weight of the world for longer than any human brain can fathom.

Magnus’ final act is nothing as spectacular as his dramatic displays of magic used to be. There is no energy to be wasted for such things, not now, not any more. The tendrils of blue light barely tickle at Alec’s skin, as he forces himself to keep his eyes open to witness the end. There is no pain.

When the shockwave comes, taking with it everything that is left of the world, it finds them unmoving, Alec’s eyes still turned to the stars through the destroyed roof, Magnus’ head cradled in his arms. It finds no life left to take, and it leaves as soon as it comes, taking with it the last remains of a too long fight, washing away the bitter taste of failure.

*

Magnus opens his eyes to the dancing lights of the Pandemonium. It’s like the end of a long dream, except that it feels far more real than this place, these walls he only barely remembers now, fellow Downworlders around him who haven’t walked the world in too long. He looks across the room, taking in the dancers and drinkers pressing against each other, hoping for a night of fun – a night to forget the heaviness of the world.

Magnus can never forget, but as he glimpses a mop of dark hair, the edge of a bow, the red fledgling of an arrow, it’s almost enough to soothe a thousand years of suffering. Almost.

Alexander’s eyes cross him briefly, and he nods, his gaze old and pained and yet hopeful. His siblings are here, unaware of what passes between Alec and Magnus, unaware yet of everything that is to befall them – but perhaps some of that can be averted, now. Perhaps they can find their peace.

Hopefully it won’t take them another thousand years.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very sorry about for all the pain. I couldn't resist the LOTR reference because I love that scene so much. 
> 
> Every kudos and comment makes my day! I would love to hear what you think. I'm also on [Tumblr](https://emma-arthur.tumblr.com/) if you want to chat.


End file.
